Homes, Hospitals, and Life Lessons

            Life lessons are usually hard lessons but they don’t have to be. I have gotten the opportunity to meet an elderly couple this week and get to know another couple all over again. And what I learned was necessary to long term happiness. One couple was at home and the other was at the hospital.

            The first couple was my first couple; my parents. My mother (without all the dirty details) had open heart double bypass heart surgery on Monday morning. Dad didn’t leave mom’s side except when the staff made him, like for important things like surgery. I sat with dad all day on Monday along with many family and friends. When I walked into the waiting room at 5:30am he was sitting by himself. He was reading his Kindle (which is a fun story if you know my dad, the thought of him with a Kindle is amusing). He looked up as I said good morning and he didn’t look right. He had been praying silently and it showed in his eyes. But the reason he didn’t look right is because mom wasn’t sitting beside him. I come from a minority family; what I mean is I grew up in a home with my biological mom and dad. Mom and dad have been married for 42 years. From the time they let dad go see her after surgery he hasn’t left her side. When they saw each other in ICU after surgery they both cried. True love overcomes fear but sometimes it’s a hard battle.

            The second couple I met at their home. When I arrived on Wednesday, Bill was sitting on the front porch and Myrtle was in her bedroom in a hospital bed talking with her new hospice nurse. After they completed their conversation I came in and sat down beside her bed. Myrtle is 82 years old and her and Bill have been married for 63 years. She said he was a mean ole cuss when they were young but her stubbornness outlasted his meanness and they stayed married. She said, “I love that man.” And then told me stories of going to church without him sometimes just to make him mad. When she spoke of him there were big tears in her eyes. Broke my heart and gave me hope all at the same time. We talked for about 20mins.

            Love is a tricky thing. It does things to our body that just doesn’t make sense. Love kept these couples together but it isn’t the kind of love that we normally talk about. No doubt they love each other but my generation and the generation following really don’t even understand love. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous and it’s not boastful or proud or rude. Love doesn’t demand its own way. Love doesn’t demand its own way. Love doesn’t demand its own way (No, that wasn’t a mistake that I wrote that over and over). Love is not irritable. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs to use against the other later. Love rejoices with the truth is told. Love never gives up. Love never loses faith. And then we all know what comes next; “Love never fails!”

            That last statement is what we all bank on on our wedding days. But, what some never realize is that for the last statement to come true then we have to do the others. I don’t have the time nor the energy to go through each one but ask yourself this question with each one. I’ll start and show you what I mean.

            “Am I patient with Tammy? Not just every once in a while but is my default response to my wife patience? When she does this and I really wanted her to do that, am I patient? When she’s tired and I’m not or when I’m tired and she’s not, am I patient?”

            “God, help me to understand true love. Not like it the movies or, heaven help us, on TV but in real life.”

            Now, your turn. Try kindness.

            You see, some married people rarely look past the wedding. The PlayStation generation thinks they can hit “reset” and start the “game” over again and do better. Game over means grab a snack and try again. Maybe I’m just sentimental after seeing pain up close and personal. I have to admit, Monday was a long day. Wednesday was tough too. Have you ever talked to someone about their own funeral when you both know it’s going to happen soon?

            Some would say that these situations highlight the reality of our fragile bodies. That’s not what I took away. I took away the fact that I want Tammy by my bedside when I can’t do for myself. I want to be by hers.

            Ok, sappy stuff over here’s the bottom line. Love doesn’t demand its own way. Remove selfishness from your marriage and live to serve God and your spouse and maybe you can provide your children with a minority family. If you’ve messed up in the past then determine this is it. One God, one spouse, one love.

I love you Tammy,

Pastor Dad