A while back...

            

I wrote the following almost 10 years ago to the day, which was a few years before I even knew what a blog was. As I read it this afternoon, I thought it important to share. I pray it speaks to you:

P.S. This picture was from 2008 when I wrote this, they're gonna be excited that I found it!

I feel old! No, I don’t mean that “hurt all over old”. No, not the “another gray hair” old. Today I had lunch with, Jordan, my 13-year-old son. He and his sister were out of school and she went with friends so I called him to see if he could find time in his schedule to fit me in a lunch. He did, whether out of desire or mercy but when your kid is a teenager you don’t really care. While we were at lunch I saw a childhood friend and she was talking about how much Jordan looked like me and how tall he was, the only thing missing was pinching his cheeks talking about how he has grown. Then I had a conversation with Kelcey, my 17-year-old about college and a career. Times like these used to scare me to death. My children growing up and facing the world. The thoughts of what I was like at those ages is really scary and I only pray that they will think more like their mom in some instances.

So what is a Dad to do? I think that I have found a secret. I can’t say that it is guaranteed but I like the odds. Several, years ago I began doing something that seems odd. The logic is good but the mechanics seemed, well mechanical. I would look at a young people that on the outside at least, were good kids. 20-somethings that had their head on straight. I would then go and ask their Dads questions about how they raised them. I got a variety of answers that I want to share with you. This may be just for me to reflect but I bet it helps some of you parents and maybe prepares some of you young people to be good parents. Here are some of the responses that I remember most:

·                           Spend time with them. Not just watching tv or going places, but make time for them. Ask questions about what their thinking.

·                           Don’t judge their actions before you hear their logic. Beating up their classmate is rarely good but blowing your top isn’t either. Listen to their side.

·                           Tell stories. Believe it or not they like to hear how you grew up. Don’t preach or make them feel bad but tell them some of what you remember when you were their age.

·                           Be there. Sporting events, music recitals, academic bowls, banquets, church plays, teacher conferences, just be there.

·                           Take them to church. They need God. Church wasn’t an option in my home. In my house we eat together, we slept in the same house, and we went to church. Sometimes they didn’t like it but they didn’t like school either but they went.

·                           Work is important. They will have to do it the rest of their life and they need to learn the price and the reward of work.

·                           Home is safe. If their world is going to hell they can always come home and it will be right. Problems don’t go away there but you don’t have to face them alone.

·                           Love their momma. You can teach a young man a life-long lesson just by loving his mother. You can set expectations for your little girl just by loving her mother.

And my all time favorite that all of these parents told me:

·                           Love them no matter what, night and day. They need to hear it, see it, and feel it. Discipline is love if done with love. Gifts are love if done with love. Time is love if done with love.

You can’t do any of the above things without love and do them effectively. Tammy and I have tried to do these things. Trust me it is hard. When Kelcey is playing softball in Maryville and Jordan is playing baseball in Pigeon Forge it gets cute. But we did it. We aren’t finished but the product is beginning to come out. Kelcey isn’t perfect but I am proud of her. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter. I am scared to see her grow up but not because she isn’t ready; I’m not. Jordan isn’t perfect either but hearing teachers brag on his attitude, effort, and smile never gets old. When he is ready to graduate like Kelcey I won’t be ready then either, but he will.

Hug your kids today. I could send you an email talking about disasters around the world and bad things that happen to kids to manipulate you into an emotional moment but I want you to hug them because you can’t help it. The Bible says that “love covers a multitude of sins.” Love them like you mean it and see what happens.

Kelcey and Jordan, your Mom and Dad love you and are very proud of ya!

Proverbs 22:6 ¶ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

This was written in 2008. For your information, Tammy and I still love them very very much. 

Pastor Dad