Tammy, The Bee Whisperer

I want to first thank my cousin, Jamie, for the title. He captured the moment perfectly.

What a weekend. I’m going to tell you about it but understand that words will never do justice to the moments, events, and experiences. I can only hope to paint a picture. And what a picture it was.

            Friday – Kelcey gets the once in a lifetime experience of having all four wisdom teeth removed, extracted, pulled, evacuated, choose your verb. They’re gone and not coming back (at least she hopes they won’t). Spent the morning and early afternoon with Tammy taking care of the now drooling eldest offspring. It was beautiful but Tammy wouldn’t allow me a photo. Friday night Jordan, my youngest offspring, plays basketball and scores 8 points in 10 minutes. That was pretty sweet.

            Saturday – Jordan had two games this morning. He played well in the first and his team boycotted the second. At least that’s what it looked like. Not fun; for parents, fans, or players. After the disaster that was the second game it was to the cupcake store and then home. Just as we returned to the ponderosa a friend called with great news. He was going shooting and I and a few other guys were invited. I was stoked. Tammy gave me permission to go play with my friends (sure, go ahead and laugh, you know you have to as well. Oh, and if you don’t, then your marriage isn’t as awesome as mine). After an hour of shooting (guns for you that aren’t familiar with the lingo) I left the boys and went to pick up my wife and the now non-drooling daughter and we set out on a quest to find some grub. Long story short we headed toward Lenoir City and ended up at TC Grill. Yeah, I know that doesn’t compute but it was fun.

            Sunday – Church was great. By the way, it almost always is. You should try it sometime. After church I arrived home to my non-drooling yet now in great pain eldest offspring of my first wife (yeah, the second day is apparently worse than the day after). But while Tammy was the primary caregiver, she also made time to make homemade breakfast for lunch. Biscuits, gravy, sausage and eggs. Whew, it was gooooooood. After that, a nap. I usually don’t take official in the bed naps but Tammy insisted so I did. Heavenly! I got up and then we all headed to my mom’s for some family time and dinner. And then it got real.

            This time of year in this part of the world we have what is known as bore-bees. That’s what we call them (even though one of my nephews which shall remain nameless, Alex, calls them whore-bees). I’ve heard them called other things but basically they look like bumble bees but they bore holes. When I was a kid we would actually catch them and tie thread to their legs and fly them like kites. If you’re a bee lover and you are offended then you can join the cat lovers and send the email to bradbryant@doesntcare.com. I answer them often. Anyway, if you’re from this area then you must know of the favorite past-time, swatting of the bees… My wife discovered it last night and there were tears shed out of pure joy. By her and the rest of us…

            Imagine this picture. On my dad’s front porch in chairs from left to right looking at the house are dad, mom, Tammy, and Kelcey. I am sitting on the edge of the porch in front of dad with Jordan and Becky (my sister). I have a plastic toy tennis racquet and I am hitting home runs, one bee at a time. It was at this time that my lovely and awesome wife decided she wanted a go at it. What followed was a clinic in how to swing a racquet. Kendall coaches tennis and I bet he would’ve been jealous. Tammy was swatting like she was fighting killer bees instead of bore-bees. At one point my mother had the look of a bee about to be swatted with big eyes and a scared look on her face when a bee hovered in front of her and Tammy was taking aim. The conversation was for the ages.

            Mom: “Whew, I was thinking of that joke that Brad used to have Jordan do. How do you scare a bee?” (Now I must explain. When Jordan was little I would say, “Jordan, how do you scare a bee?” To which he would respond appropriately, “I don’t know, daddy”. And then I would pinch his little boobie and say, “You say, Boo, bee”! I hope you get it. Jordan actually walked up to our Pastor’s wife when he was about 3 and asked her, “How do you scare a bee?” I became world class sprinter fast as I ran toward my son yelling in seemingly slow motion, “Noooooooooooooooo!”)

            Tammy: “Well, I was trying to see how I was going to hit him because he was just sitting there buzzing and taunting me.”

Then Tammy thought it would be safer if she stood up...and she could swing harder. It was great. Becky tried to take a video but it didn’t work. I really wish it would have. I’m telling you, words do not do justice.

But the night ended with us taking our chairs to the neighbors house (Uncle Roy’s). Here we all sat in his driveway. While there, more neighbors showed up, family. The little kids were playing in the yard. The bigger kids were shooting basketball. The rest were sitting, talking, thinking. Or at least I was thinking.

Time got away from us and we had a 30 minute or more drive home and it was later than we had planned on staying. That’s what it means, “Time flies when you’re having fun”. As I got into the car I thought of the charmed life I have been given. I have the greatest (and just plain most fun) wife there is. My kids are awesome, even when they drool and when they lose basketball games. My heritage is superb. I was taught God, family, and then whatever else you love.

Monday is going to have a hard time competing with Sunday. But, it’s ok. No one can ever take yesterday away from me (or the mental picture of my wife, stance perfect, holding her weapon, about to go to war, Awesome!).

Pastor Dad