Breaking Peyton Manning News

I’m not sure if you’ve heard or not but rumor has it that Peyton Manning has left the Colts and is looking for another team. Crazy, huh? I know!

With this new news I thought it would be good to look at the teams out there and find him the best fit. And since us here at the headquarters for rational thought and honesty are all about what’s right, we feel it our duty to find the best fit for Peyton and the new team. So, without wasting any more precious print space here we go…

Let’s just look at the teams that expressed interest early on and make our way down to the “right now” contenders. Early rumors were that the Jets, Chiefs, Dolphins, Cardinals, Broncos, Seahawks and Bills were those that really stood a chance and were actually interested. Let’s look team by team.
Seahawks – maybe if Coach Pete would hire Lane to recruit they may have had a shot but he didn’t and it’s cold and rainy in Seattle. And, besides, if you’re able to work Lane Kiffin into the conversation, no good Vol fan would even consider it. Seattle, No Peyton for you.
Bills – I am laughing as I’m typing. Buffalo, No Peyton for you.
Cardinals – While having Fitzgerald to throw to has to be tempting, Arizona hasn’t been relevant to the NFL since Kurt Warner was their QB. The weather is great and when it isn’t they close the roof. But, Arizona is where Tennessee won their National Championship WITHOUT Peyton. Don’t think he could live there. Arizona, No Peyton for you.
Chiefs – I’m very sorry Chiefs fans but the best thing about your team right now is Eric Berry and he isn’t switching to offense and if you think the weather is bad in Seattle, whew, Kansas City residents say you’re a wimp. Kansas City, sorry but, No Peyton for you.
Jets – Really? You think Peyton Manning who played for the Ultimate Gentleman, Tony Dungy, would even consider playing for Rex Ryan? Please! It had little to do with little brother Eli across the street and everything to do with playing for Thug Central. New York, the only Manning you will see just won you a second trophy; No Peyton for you!
So it came down to the Broncos and the Dolphins…
Dolphins – Very storied franchise. New coach. Great area. You get to hang out with Dwayne Wade and Lebron James (and I’m sure Chris Bosh follows them around like a second grade nerd hanging out with the cool kids). But alas, Miami in professional sports strongly resembles Chicago. The Bulls are awesome; the Cubs not so much. In Miami the Heat is king; the Dolphins not so much. Miami, No Peyton for you.
Broncos – Now this was interesting. Tebow-central looking at acquiring Peyton Manning to play quarterback? All the pieces seem to be there. Most of the know-it-alls said last year that if Denver had a quarterback they would be a force. But Peyton knew better than to upset God. So, Denver (for you Lord), No Peyton for you.
But then the guy who is famous for standing up in his owner’s suite and flipping off the fans decided to get in the game. Yes, Bud Adams, Tennessee Titans owner has decided he could make more money on Titans memorabilia than Zuckerburg has on Facebook. He wants Peyton. Forget that Peyton threw more interceptions his last season with the Colts than Tennessee threw passes last year. Or that Tennessee is in the Colts division and so the media circus would erupt twice a year.
But here is what is going to happen. We have solid, insider information that Peyton just happened to have to go to the bathroom last night for a #2 on his private jet and what came out was in the shape of the Titan sword, and it was as he was flying over Tennessee no less. It’s fate. (Or Peyton’s full of crap and Tennessee fans are just crazy). Sorry, here is our thought of what will happen this coming season.
-         Peyton returns to Tennessee and plays quarterback for the Titans while being Derek Dooley’s offensive coordinator. Derek gets fired after this season, Peyton realizes that recruiting and coaching spoiled college athletes, and putting up with fans that hate you is a much better life than being a football God and returns to the Vols as head coach only after John Gruden turns down the job.
-         Or (laughing) since Reggie Wayne just resigned with the Colts, Peyton does the same and all this was planned from the beginning and all the Peyton fans that have hated on the Colts for a week now have to sit down, eat their crow, and like it.

Wow that was fun…
Pastor Dad

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Winning

I enjoy victories. Now understand that my idea of a victory and yours may be different. Here are some of mine and then you can compare. See this is interactive. Not just another boring article that you’re reading because you don’t really want to work (I know it really is just that but let’s not kill the mood). Victories: ·         Browning the bread on the grilled cheese juuuuuuuust right (makes you wanna take a picture every time). ·         Timing the light turning green so I don’t have to come to a complete stop (doesn’t work on stop signs. Trust me; the sweet Maryville City Police officer already explained that to me). ·         Getting the interval wipers set perfectly so there is just enough rain on the windshield so as not to make the wipers sound like they’re farting (annoying). ·         Free samples. I mean it. You have no obl...
Read more

But if not...

            Red lights are spinning and flashing, a buzzer is sounding and a computer voice is booming, “Warning! Warning! A statement that could be considered religious is about to commence!”             We’ll give you time to leave the room before we begin. Wouldn’t want anyone offended now would we? Look around. Is it safe? Everyone gone that’s going? Ok then let’s begin!             I love how stories in the bible sometimes get fancied up for the Sunday morning crowd. I really don’t but I’m trying to keep this thing positive. We talk about how Job (in a thundering southern Baptist preacher voice) “was blessed twice as much in the latter as he was in the former!” We speak of David anointed as a boy, slaying Goliath then ascending to the throne of the king. Oh and what about “Father Abraham” he had many sons. Man...
Read more

Kelcey and her Koran

Image
Shortly after Donald Trump was elected, I posted a scripture about respecting those in authority and that they were appointed by God. Quickly there was a comment that this person hadn’t seen that scripture from me when Barak Obama was president. I then pointed out that this had been my stance through every presidency and had used this scripture often to convey my belief that even if you didn’t agree with President Obama that as a follower of Christ you were to respect that position. My conviction wasn’t based on who the President was but by what the Bible says. I am fine with disagreeing but when called a hypocrite I usually defend simply because it isn’t true. While I’m not perfect, I do not adjust my beliefs to side with politics the way our current “free press” and society at large seems to. When our daughter (Kelcey) was a sophomore in high school she came home to present Tammy and me with a problem she was having in her World History class. This was a loooong time ago so I ca...
Read more