Marriage Funnies

My favorite subjects to talk about and write about outside of Jesus things are marriage and family. I’m always looking for information and reading books on the subject just to be better informed and to hear others opinions. While I don’t agree with a lot that I read, especially if it is meant to be humorous, I do enjoy the laughs provided by people with jaded views on marriage. Below is someone’s attempt at describing the differences in the way we speak when we are dating verses when we get married.

Dating – You take my breath away
Married – I feel like I’m suffocating

Dating – She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
Married – She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Dating – Don’t stop
Married – Don’t start

Dating – Is that all you’re having?
Married – Maybe you should have just a salad, Dear.

Dating - $60/doz
Married - $1.50/stem

Dating – We agree on everything
Married – Doesn’t she have a mind of her own

Dating – Victoria’s Secret
Married – Fruit of the Loom

Dating – I love a woman with curves
Married – I never said you were fat

Dating – Time stood still
Married – This relationship is going nowhere

Dating – I can hardly believe we found each other
Married – I can’t believe I ended up with someone like you.

Dating – Once upon a time
Married – The end

Now that you have at least smiled once today, go out and help someone else do the same. Better yet, help your spouse smile today. Here is an idea. Try it and see if you don’t get a laugh. Think of the corniest pick-up lines and text them one at a time to him/her. Amazing what doesn’t work at a party will make your husband/wife smile like crazy. I have done this before with great smile success. Here are some for you to try. But don’t tell Tammy about them because I’ll be sending some to her later…

“Are you tired? Because you been runnin through my mind all day!”
"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in!"
"If you were a burger at McDonald's you'd be the McGorgeous."


Pastor Dad

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